Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding Difficulties, Chestfeeding, Dads, Doula, Newborn Care, Nursing, Parenthood, Postpartum

Doula Twinklings

As I have been thinking through this post series, I have questioned what would have been valuable to know after I gave birth. Some of this might sound crazy to you, but others are going to raise a hand and say, “Yeah! Me too!”

So for my first twinkling, I am going to hit on nursing. You may call it breastfeeding, chestfeeding, or nursing. I am going to discuss the initial soreness of breasts and my situation.

I remember it so well. The nurse asked, “Would you like to breastfeed your baby?”

And in my naive, I have read all the books way, I responded,”Yes, planning to.”

And she picked up my fresh baby and grabbed my breast and said, “Watch for her mouth to fully open and stuff your nipple in.”

Well, that sounded so easy!

By day 3, I was home…alone and my fresh baby as beautiful as could be; would not fed as easily as she did at the hospital. My breasts hurt. I was exhausted. I was in pain and I was DONE!!!

Have you ever quit…really before you had begun anything? This is where I was.

No one ever told me that most parents struggle those first few weeks. No one said that breastfeeding was not easy. It looked like a piece of cake in the books! So, with my sweet baby screaming her loving head off, I gave in. My superhero of a husband brought me a drink, told me to relax and used one of those little bottles from the hospital to calm our baby and feed her so I could take a moment to rest.

And you know what!

I went on to have a very successful nursing relationship with her and she was crazy healthy!

All while, in my head I questioned everything. Don’t you?

This parenting thing looks different for everyone. Some breastfeed/chestfeed and some bottle feed with formula. Some have struggled for years to conceive and others… All this to say embrace where you are and how you parent. There is no right way and there is no right book to read. Each baby and each family is uniquely different.

Hugs to each of you. You are enough and you are the perfect parent for your child right now!

Birth, Dads, Depression, Mom, Paternal Postnatal Depression, Postpartum, Postpartum Depression, self care

After Baby – Postpartum Depression For Women and Men

Now that your precious baby is here…

How are you feeling? Emotional, exhausted, overwhelmed and yet, so in love?

Are you struggling? Maybe not recovering like you wished?

Where are your support people? Friends? Family? Spouse?

Having a baby can be the most trying time for new parents. You want it to appear like all things are going perfectly, but honestly, you are suffering inside. Getting up, a shower, and even feeding yourself are tasks that are met with difficulty.

You are not alone!

Many new parents, especially mothers, find themselves in a time of despair. They are desperate to reclaim their bodies and life as they once knew it. As many as 1 in 7 women suffer from Postpartum Depression.

Did you know that men can also suffer postnatal? Yes, it is true. PPND (Paternal Postnatal Depression) can have crippling, lifelong effects. 1 in 4 new fathers may experience PPND. PPND is more common when the spouse is also suffering from Postpartum Depression.

Here is what to look for:

Women

Men

  • Mood swings
  • Uncontrollable weeping
  • Lack of bonding with your baby
  • Withdrawing from others
  • Loss or excessive appetite
  • Insomnia or Hypersomnia
  • Extreme fatigue or statements of no energy
  • Little to no interest in hobbies and activities you once enjoyed
  • Intense irritability and anger
  • Worry of being a failure or not a good mother
  • Overwhelming emotions
  • Inability to focus or think clearly
  • Excessive stress, anxiety and/or panic attacks
  • Recurrent thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
  • Insomnia or Hypersomnia
  • Hormonal changes
  • History of depression
  • Spousal Tension
  • Strained relationship with family
  • Excessive stress about becoming a  parent
  • Poor social functioning
  • Intense irritability and anger
  • Lack of support from others
  • Financial difficulties
  • Exclusion from the mother and baby bond
  • Recurrent thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

 

Make the Call

Unfortunately, many parents of newborns suffer in silence with no idea of where to turn or who to call. They fail to recognize the symptoms and fall further into the hole of depression.

Both Postpartum Depression and Paternal Postnatal Depression can be treated. Help is available; your midwife, doctor and/or hospital will have resources for you. This is a serious matter and you need to seek a professional.

Call your care provider as soon as possible, if the signs and symptoms:

  • Don’t fade after two weeks or are suicidal in nature
  • Are getting constant or debilitating
  • Make it hard for you to care for your baby or yourself
  • Have thoughts of harming your baby or other children

As a doula and a therapist, I have seen the beauty of mothers and fathers being restored after treatment. Their families have thrived and the bond with their child was better than ever! You are worth it!

Call the suicide hotline number — in the U.S.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK

(1-800-273-8255)

Birth, Dads, Parenthood, What's a Doula

Doulas, Baseball and Dads

What’s a doula from the Dad’s Perspective?

Okay dads, this is written just for you. Yes, I am a doula. I also love sports. I know you probably have a hundred questions, but I hope to answer a few here. If not, please email.

What is my role in birth?

doula, also known as birth supporter or labor coach, is a person who assists a woman before, during, or after childbirth. This coach may also provide encouragement to the spouse and family by providing physical and emotional support.  Continuous support during labor has been linked with improved maternal and fetal health, including lower risk of induction and interventions. These benefits are particularly significant when continuous support is provided by someone who is not there as family/friend or as medical staff (such as a doula). Sometimes, a doula is hired to support families in the postpartum stages for as long as needed (sometimes, this support can be ongoing for several years)1. A doula, in this role, may care for the newborn while the parents sleep, work or take care of their physical or emotional needs. 

 

So, let’s put that into a sport. How about baseball?

Baseball Analogy

Mom is the pitcher. She is going to control the game. She wants this win!

Dad is the catcher. Not to say you will do the catching, but it is the relationship between the pitcher and catcher that will win the game! The catcher can calm the pitcher and knows her the best.

The doula is the base coach. They watch the field, encourage the players, and knows the game very well.

Head coach is your care provider. He/she is there to take lead of the game when necessary.

 

Does that make sense? Dad’s you have an amazing opportunity during the birth of your sweet baby to become a new dad and to be the hero of your spouse.

Doulas want you to feel supported and cared for too! This a family job. We care for mothers, babies, and fathers. During the birth process, which can go on for many hours, a doula is there to grant you opportunities to go for nourishment or to take a brief break. Your spouse will be supported the entire time. Once the baby is born and you are enjoying those precious new moments as a family. Many doulas will take pictures for you. When you are settled, your doula slips away to allow further bonding.

In a few weeks, your doula will make an appointment to follow-up. At that time, they will make sure the family is adjusting well. She will offer encouragement, support  and be on her way. She is available for other services as requested.

Take care new dad and enjoy your family!

 

1 Doula. n.d. In Wikipedia. Retrieved August 28, 2017.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doula